Those who know me know that I often have humorous tales that have their genesis in a public restroom. Sometimes those restrooms are found where I work. I've seen toilet bowls and walls that looked like they had been sprayed with a fecal shotgun. I've even witnessed small bowel pellets on top of a toilet seat.
Today I witnessed something I've never seen before. Today, at work, I entered a stall. Upon entering that stall, I immediately noticed a large, black turd on the front, inner portion of the toilet bowl. It was disturbing to see, and I immediately questioned a) how did this thing get to the front of the bowl, and b) why didn't the owner flush?! Well, I got the answer to the second question when I flushed the toilet. The toilet flushed with all of the power of a normally functioning industrial toilet bowl. The turd, however, did not move! This mass of human waste remained as steady and motionless as the Rock of Gibraltar. I feel sorry for the cleaning staff... unless, of course, the turd is still there tomorrow.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Vegas Wrap-up
I'm in the airport in Las Vegas, waiting for my flight home. The first weekend of March Madness has come and gone, and the Vegas shysters have foiled me, again. Last year, I left Vegas on a high note, winning on Saturday and Sunday after two horrendous days of basketball betting. This year, a glorious two days of betting on Thursday and Friday turned sour when I won zero wagers on Saturday and one on Sunday. The big losers on Saturday were Duke, Purdue, Notre Dame and UCLA. On Sunday, losing wagers on Siena, Texas and San Diego had me down monetarily and emotionally. However, a 2-game parlay on North Carolina and Louisville eased the pain, as both teams cruised to easy victories.
This year's trip to Vegas was a mirror image from last year's trip, but what the two trips have in common is a turning point after two days. In both cases, fortunes turned when a prominent character entered the picture. Last year, The Oracle provided good fortune. This year, betting fortunes turned when my buddies and I ran into Walking Death at the Hofbrauhaus after the Don Rickles show on Friday. This mysterious, long-haired weirdo was dressed in black and very much resembled a human embodiment of death. After leaving the Hofbrauhaus, we saw Walking Death again at the Hard Rock Casino! We should have recognized the signs and avoided betting on Saturday and Sunday. Alas, we did not.
As I mentioned, I caught a show at the Orleans Showroom... Don Rickles, live! Yes, he's still alive, but just barely. He looked physically frail, but he was mentally sharp. The show started with a smarmy, twenty minute opening act; a Vegas singer named Paul Christopher. This guy resembled Wayne Newton, and he was over the top in his Vegas lounge style. Rickles gave us just over an hour of entertainment, and his humor was kick-ass. Rickles is known for his harsh, insensitive style, but he apologizes after almost every joke, and the crowd eats it up. Rickles randomly selected two guys out of the audience to bring up on stage with him. The first guy was an amputee, missing one leg from the knee down. Rickles claimed that after 55 years in the business, this was the first time he had an amputee on stage. The amputee claimed that he drove in from Phoenix, and he was proud to have Rickles make fun of him. Rickles did, and it was hilarious. Rickles received several standing ovations before the show ended, and he seemed humble at the end. If you get the chance, catch his show sometime. You might not have many chances left.
This year's trip to Vegas was a mirror image from last year's trip, but what the two trips have in common is a turning point after two days. In both cases, fortunes turned when a prominent character entered the picture. Last year, The Oracle provided good fortune. This year, betting fortunes turned when my buddies and I ran into Walking Death at the Hofbrauhaus after the Don Rickles show on Friday. This mysterious, long-haired weirdo was dressed in black and very much resembled a human embodiment of death. After leaving the Hofbrauhaus, we saw Walking Death again at the Hard Rock Casino! We should have recognized the signs and avoided betting on Saturday and Sunday. Alas, we did not.
As I mentioned, I caught a show at the Orleans Showroom... Don Rickles, live! Yes, he's still alive, but just barely. He looked physically frail, but he was mentally sharp. The show started with a smarmy, twenty minute opening act; a Vegas singer named Paul Christopher. This guy resembled Wayne Newton, and he was over the top in his Vegas lounge style. Rickles gave us just over an hour of entertainment, and his humor was kick-ass. Rickles is known for his harsh, insensitive style, but he apologizes after almost every joke, and the crowd eats it up. Rickles randomly selected two guys out of the audience to bring up on stage with him. The first guy was an amputee, missing one leg from the knee down. Rickles claimed that after 55 years in the business, this was the first time he had an amputee on stage. The amputee claimed that he drove in from Phoenix, and he was proud to have Rickles make fun of him. Rickles did, and it was hilarious. Rickles received several standing ovations before the show ended, and he seemed humble at the end. If you get the chance, catch his show sometime. You might not have many chances left.
Friday, March 21, 2008
March Madness Kicks Off
It's been awhile since I've posted anything. So, why am I posting something now? I'm in Las Vegas, of course!
The brackets have been filled out, and the games have started. Despite having a head cold, I am living it up, enjoying every minute of free alcohol and sports gambling. I'm riding high with an 8-4 record in personal basketball wagers. Two of the losses were tough to take. I had Texas A&M with a first half line of -1, and the Aggies (who started the game with an 11-0 lead) crapped the bed by letting BYU tie the game at the half. Similarly, I had WVU with a first half line of-1.5, and the Mountaineers squandered a lead to only go into the half up by 1 against Arizona. I was bitter for awhile, but two wagers on Notre Dame increased my spirits... and my cash holdings.
For anyone that would like to join me, I'll be at the Red Rock Casino, watching the games during the day. On Friday, I'll be at the Orleans Showroom to see the one and only Don Rickles!
The brackets have been filled out, and the games have started. Despite having a head cold, I am living it up, enjoying every minute of free alcohol and sports gambling. I'm riding high with an 8-4 record in personal basketball wagers. Two of the losses were tough to take. I had Texas A&M with a first half line of -1, and the Aggies (who started the game with an 11-0 lead) crapped the bed by letting BYU tie the game at the half. Similarly, I had WVU with a first half line of-1.5, and the Mountaineers squandered a lead to only go into the half up by 1 against Arizona. I was bitter for awhile, but two wagers on Notre Dame increased my spirits... and my cash holdings.
For anyone that would like to join me, I'll be at the Red Rock Casino, watching the games during the day. On Friday, I'll be at the Orleans Showroom to see the one and only Don Rickles!
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