Fecal Trifecta

Recently, I received a series of communications from an acquaintance of mine who confessed to experiencing some strange events.

In the first of three communications, my acquaintance confessed to an act typically reserved for nervous children. While urinating, my acquaintance attempted to alleviate some pressure in his intestines. However, what he thought was going to be a fart, quickly revealed itself as the dreaded shart! Embarrassed by his deed, he removed his soiled boxer shorts and stashed them at the bottom of the weekly trash, lest his wife discover his shame.

In the second of three communications, my acquaintance told a most disturbing tale. As my acquaintance tells it, around 11 PM of the same day that produced the sharting episode, he was taking a shower and felt some major gurgles and rumblings in the lower hemisphere. A horrifically rank and noisy event occurred in the anal canal. He jumped out of the shower rather quickly due to the stench. While brushing his teeth, he noticed something on the shower floor. Much to his dismay, there was a little rope of shit there. He had not even felt it slither out of his rectum. He discretely pulled out some Clorox and scrubbed down the shower, lest his wife discover his shame.

The final communication identified that my acquaintance was walking his dog the next day. The dog dropped a bomb in a local park, and when my acquaintance attempted to scoop it up and put it in a bag, he bobbled the log and shit-stained his own sweater. He went home and quickly washed the sweater, lest his wife discover his shame.

The fecal trifecta was completed in less than 24 hours.